“Youth want to be STIMULATED rather than taught.” - Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

My dad sent this last night and I didn’t know how to respond. “You’re right, you pushed me to my limits enough that at one point, I told myself I wouldn’t even speak at your funeral if you died”?

Hate is such a strong word that I doubt I really thought that about my dad. Can’t say he didn’t do his job as a father because I really disliked him growing up. The subject of some of my more… acerbic blog and journal entries was the person who was supposed to teach me how to be a man. What does that say when it’s the same guy I got into my last fist fight with? Does that make him a bad father? Does it make me a bad son? You can probably make a case for both.

I’d be lying if I said I stopped loving him at any point in my life, he’s still family afterall. Do we get along better these days? Sure. I understand him better now and he’s mellowed down a bit, and I’ll always appreciate what I learned from him despite how much I might’ve disagreed with his methods. Ultimately, nothing can change the fact that he is my father; for better or worse.

I still don’t know how to respond to this though.

The last 2 weeks have been quite a trip, complete opposites from 1 week to the next. The things that have been bothering me the last few months haunted me shortly after the camping trip concluded, culminating in an attack that was uncalled for. I hurt people I cared about and respected, and it was a stark contrast to what I stood for and what I’ve built these last 15 years.

After something like that, I pretty much just tuned everything out. I was sick of dealing with all of it but mostly, I was kinda sick of myself. So I spent the next few days retracing everything, trying to figure out where it went wrong. Up until my eventual meeting with my mentor, I never thought I was wrong. But I realized that I hurt a lot of people, most of whom were concerned that I was ultimately hurting myself. After a long talk of nearly 4 hours, I finally got everything off my chest and found the clarity that’s been lost in all the responsibilities I had to fulfill and the ambitions I was trying to realize.

Since then I’ve taken the long road to redemption. First came apologies, then reconnecting with the part of myself that’s been slowly eroding these last few years. I reached out to rebuild the bridges that, though not burned, have been neglected for some time.

When it’s all said and done, ultimately no one can save you until you’re ready to be saved. And no one can forgive you until you’re willing to forgive yourself. I don’t need to worry about how I’m perceived or how I’ll be remembered, everyone already knows. I just needed to remind myself who I am: I’m the best at what I do.

nicolewet:

linhwin:

You were worth it

Could’ve sworn

kooyeahron

told me something like this before…

(via nic0ledgaf)

Told my brother that if I were to get a kit, I’d want it to look like Qui Gon Jinn’s lightsaber. Yeah, he’s pretty awesome. Haha!

That reminds me, I still need to get a custom lightsaber before the Holidays, since my budget for that quarter always go to CI and Christmas presents. I guess Len & Ian have joined Regi in their “arms race”, acquiring more than one. I can’t fall behind, hehe. Sigh, boys and their toys… 😏

stellavee:

queenhawke:

folie-a-dookie:

notyourspecies:

Sexism on tumblr. I know your hearts are in the right place but still, this is bad.

this is powerful

it’s because it’s the absolute other way around anywhere else. stop.

No, this needs to be seen. It’s not okay to demean another sex to defend your own. If you wanted to be treated as equal, then you treat others as equals as well. You can’t fight sexism by being sexist. You can’t fight hate by hating. It’s that simple.

(via starswhogaze-main)